.......Today....... Heartsick....Mentally drained...........
Parkinson's is a bitch. It's an evil evil disease. Its taking him..sucking the life from him...... It doesn't just rip apart the individual that it infests but rips a part families.s. Rips out our hearts and makes us mentally useless . I can't even think straight sometimes. I have lost my father yet he is right in front of me. I just want to shake him. I want it out I want gone.
HOW do I make peace with Parkinson's? How do I stop it from emotionally destroying me when I watch him deteriorate in front of me? How do I accept this bullshit. I don't want to play the why me, why our family . Why him but I cant help it. I am sooooo angry and I don't even know who at. How do I let this be ok when it just isn't ever going to be ok?
How do you watch someone you love die? How do you stand there helpless? I want to fight for him so bad. I want him to come back to us.........and he never will.
Dad was admitted to the hospital yesterday with no hope of ever returning home. We will have to find a new "home" for him. One that will help him with his needs. Daily fucking needs. Brushing teeth. Showers. Baths. Thinking. Eating.
This isn't suppose to be like this. He is suppose to be here for me. He is suppose to be here for us. He is suppose to be my dad! Why the fuck!
Today. Today is a bad day. I get it. I can't get use to this. I can't make it better for anyone of us and its so hard.
-lost-hurt-emotionally fucked today
Today I am not happy for anything- Today needs to be done. And so does the Parkinson's. It needs to be done.
Even though we couldn't share a dance together.......I'm glad he didn't miss it......
Jillian
Hi Jillian,
ReplyDeleteMy name is James and I have Parkinson's.
I haven't cried about it for a long time as I am able to take some pills and push it out of my mind for an hour or two. I am also the father of three beautiful girls and your passion gave me insights to what they must be experiencing too. It made me so sad that have to suffer along with me.
God bless you and your family.
Stay strong. We need you.