My Health...My scary Background

Here is is.  When I was younger I never cared about my health. I thought twinkies with a side a mac n cheese was no big deal. In Highschool, it was worse. Airheads, granola bars and doritos and constant crap.  CONSTANT chemical rancic crap.  Looking back I think how the hell could I have eaten that shit? HOW did I think it was ok? SO once I graduated highschool I decided to join one of the many so called weight loss plans. LA Weight Loss was my first true look at weight loss. First three days were detox.  SO I  went from eating a cheeseburger and fries to the very next day eating ONLY greens and drinking a liquid combination.  I cried. I cried all three days. Pathetic?!? Unreal.  Until this point I lived with my twin sister and best bud Holly. Pizza Hut, oreos and chips were the norm at the apartment. Sugared down ceral for breakfest submersed in  cows milk. And hell why not wash it down with a swig of soda? It was early I needed the caffiene. LOL HOLY HELL!

Ok, SO I did LA Weightloss. When I wasn't crying about not being able to have ice cream or chinese, I was eating good. I ate THE SAME FOODS every single day.  Breakfest was 3 eggs with ground turkey meat. Lunch was a grilled chicken salad and dinner was a prepackage meal. Snacks? Hmm yogurt or an apple. Maybe some shrimp. But within one week I had lost 7 pounds.  I Could NOT believe itl. Water weight or not the scale had gone down. SO I continued to eat this way for weeks. In 16 weeks I had lost almost 30 pounds and THEN I plateued. I stopped losing weight.  I began to shut down immidiately. I still rememer the firt thing is cheated on. It was three tortilla chips. FUCK. I slowly gave up. I got lazy again. The weight returned and then some and once again I was miserable. Hated my life and myself.

Life goes on.....

Then a little blessing came into my life. Her name was Chele and she ran a program called Transitions at Snap Fitness in Kaukauna. 12 week course based on a low-glycemic lifestyle. First 6 weeks if I can recall were NO GRAINS. Met a girl named Mandi who signed up at same time. (WHICH can I add has lost over 160 pounds by diet and exercise on Transitions!! She is just amazing and an inspiration) I started Transitons ans realized it was pretty easy,yes I had a 7 day detox.  It was hard, I wont lie but I made it through. I was also working out and also had some bootcamps and traingin with Chele.  I lost 26 pounds and felt wonderful. But soon the 12 weeks ended and I felt abandoned. I felt lost. I felt that I couldnt do it on my own and sure shit I lost control AGAIN.  Months and months passed. FELT like complete shit. Tried my hardest to eat right and exercise but I gave up............

Life goes on....

Tried joining Weight Watchers.  Couldnt get into it. If there is one thing most people know about me is my hatered for ASPARTAME. HATE HATE HATE it.  There I was at my first meeting. Watching these women suck down Diet Pepsi and Diet Mountain Dew.  Snacking on thier sugar free toxic snacks and I decided I couldnt commit. Say what you want but a lot of their products have synthetic toxic crap.  Moving on...

Than my body began to rebel. I got sick....all the time.  It started with severe anxiety. Went to the doctor and sure shit gave me a pill sent me on my way.  I went home . Started the pills. Felt more fucked up than ever.  Horrible stomach pain....constantly. I was told it was anxiety- was given a new pill for anxiety PLUS a little purple pill I was to take every damn day, Nexium.

Stomach stuff persisted for get this 18 months. NOT ONCE was any condition talked about.  I was sick all the time.  I would try to leave my house and would shortly return.  Hopeless and fearing the worse I demanded to be seen and I demanded NO MEDICATIONS. I demaned and explanation. SO tests were run. Lots of tests.  First test came back. H-Pylori infection in my stomach. After two full weeks of harsh antibiotics it seemed to have gone away. Felt ok but not great. SUcked it up spent the expensive money on the antibiotics and felt like shit. Not to mention I wiped out all bacteria good and bad.  I was NOT happy with the medical system at this point. More test were run
At 26, I had a colonoscopy and Endoscope. Not the funnest day of my life but had to to it. That revealed severe Gastritis and Intestinal Metaplasia. More than likely the consequences of H-Pylori. I was bummed and scared but relived to know at this point I wasnt crazy. I knew something was wrong with my body. Not to mention I now have a higher risk of stomach cancer.

But then.. a scary emergency room visit three days after my wedding, the doctor still had no explanation. I woke up that morning, 6am to get ready for work. I simply walked into the bathroom to get ready and in an instant I began to sweat like crazy. I almost passed out and went to the floor right away.  Intense pain in my left side (back)- (WHICH I have been dealing with for months. THEY even put me on antibitiocs for a kidney infection. Which would be fine until 3 days in I got a call from my doctor that I DIDNT have a kidney infection. They have no idea what is wrong. And to this day I am STILL dealing with constant lower left back pain)
.I couldnt even yell for Chris. My vision was fuzzy and I couldnt catch my breath. SO off to the ER I went.  SO after 3 CT scans, an MRI, chest xray and blood cultures and a extremly high white blood count, I got an answer from the doctor. " Your a medical mysterty, we cant find whats wrong with you."  I started bawling, how the hell could that be? They cant find anything wrong with me. Blamed it on the gastritis and 6 hours later I was on my way home. No answers. No hope.

HERE I am again. Even though my history doesnt give me or you much confidence I will pursue happiness.

I WILL gain control and not weight. I WILL loose the negative attitude and not my self control. I truly belive this is a mental battle for me. I loose everytime but this time. THIS TIME I WILL NOT. I need support and I have it. I have the best husband and friends in the world. BUT no one is like my mother. She is here for me and will help me in no matter what battles I have.  I NEED TO get my health on track and I intend to do so. I am not 100%. I am still not feeling good and I am worried.

Please give me strength and wish me luck.

~Jillian